I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she peed on how many people?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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