so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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