she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
