Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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