he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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