i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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