Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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