watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
