The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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