i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
