I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
