god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
