Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
