She said her name was "party"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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