Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
