Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
