I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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