my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
