I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
FUCK WHALES
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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