WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
