I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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