Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
