I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
