we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
His nipple licking is glorious
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