found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just googled if crying burns calories
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
