Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
