I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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