cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
