She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize