I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
