Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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