god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
