Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
