Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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