My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize