I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
