Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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