Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
