He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
