I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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