Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
