How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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