when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
