No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
