Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
