I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Apparently you make a good broom.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
