the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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