Sry I called you an 8
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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