The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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