my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
PANTIES FOUND
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