hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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