i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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