the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
