if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
