I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
