no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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