If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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