She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
