Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
