Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
