Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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