thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
