It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
