i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize