Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
