I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
