Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
