Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The adults are the big ones right?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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