Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
