Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
