dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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