youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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