Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
