Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Pooping to opera.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
