I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
