I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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