I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
