You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My balls are so social today.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize