im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
