Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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