tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
