Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
