I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's the barista slut.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
