Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
