Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
