I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
