she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
