am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
