My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
