so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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