just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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