im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
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