mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
