new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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