I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Let's get the cat blown out
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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