and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
