I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
