Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
