If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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