mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
