ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
