A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize