nut hugger
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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