she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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