I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
