it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
